Kaiba's Sugar High
by JayManney4Life
Summary: Crack, pure, unfiltered crack. Someone spikes Seto Kaiba's coffee, and the end results are utterly insane. You've been warned. I literally wrote this in under an hour while I was still in college.


Kaiba's Sugar High  
  
By Jay Manney  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! This fic was spur of the moment, and a real trip to write. Enjoy!  
  
Kaiba sat at his desk, trying to think up new strategies to defeat Yugi. He was still upset with the fact that he'd yet to get back at him for defeating him, and even now owed Yugi a few times for saving his life.  
  
One of his employees brought him a fresh batch of coffee, and refilled his cup. Kaiba muttered something along the line of thank you, and the guy walked off, a slight smirk on his face, though Seto never saw it.  
  
Kaiba lifted the cup to his lips, and downed half the cup in one slurp, "… funny, tastes sweeter than usual…" he shrugged, then drank more of it, going back to work.  
  
Five minutes later, Kaiba was gulping down the somewhat cooler pitcher of coffee, then jumped up onto his desk, a demented grin on his face as he pointed to the door, "Mokuba! Hold my calls! The city demands my attention! MUST DUEL SOMEONE FOR NO PARTICULAR REASON!" he cackled, grabbed his silver briefcase, then ran out the front door, not even bothering with the elevator as he dashed down all forty flights of stairs without even breaking a sweat.  
  
Mokuba, who was sitting at his console near Seto's desk, just stared slack jawed, wondering what he had just seen. Shaking his head, he sighed, "This cannot end well." He got his laptop and brought up the tracking program, seeing a chibi version of Seto moving across the city map. "Good thing I put a beeper in his initial pendant, this is going to be interesting."  
  
Kaiba cackled like a mad man, eyes shifting around freakishly as he looked at random people, "The city of Domino! I will own it all someday! Wait! Maybe I already DO!" he grinned, "I'm shouting, and I don't give a damn!" he laughed, running down the sidewalk, "I'll change the name to Battle City again, and everyone will have to duel my game! I'll become STRONG! Then Yugi and that stupid spirit will HAVE to lose to me! YUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGI! I must beat HIM! HE TASKS ME!" Kaiba yelled, then turned sharply, thinking he had seen the would-be pharaoh. "YUGI! I must find YUGI!" Kaiba ran again, chasing after what he thought was Yugi.  
  
Jounouchi walked out of a nearby burger shop, rubbing his stomach as he carried his doggy bag (no pun intended) in his other hand, "Man, 13 triple decker cheeseburgers in a row, and I STILL had room for desert, a new record if I ever saw one." He grinned, pleased with himself. He stopped in his tracks though, hearing insane laughter coming just up the block. "The heck? Someone sure sounds jolly right now." Getting into a jog, he turned up at the corner, then blinked at what he saw.  
  
Kaiba was on someone's back, yelling and ringing their neck, "DUEL ME YUGI! I MUST BEAT YOU! I MUST BECOME THE TOP DUELIST AGAIN!" The poor victim, a random punk with spikey blonde hair, was freaking out, trying to get the seemingly crazed CEO off his back.  
  
"Whoa crap! Kaiba's gone off his rocker!" Jou said, running up and shouting at Seto, "Hey Kaiba! That's not Yugi, ya billion dollar lunatic!"  
  
Seto turned his head, grinning dementedly, "Jounouchi! Puppy dog boy!" He literally flew through the air, jumping from the back of the one guy (who ran like a bat out of hell when he was freed) right into Jounouchi's path. "Jounouchi! Jounouchi! Jounouchi! Take me to YUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGI!" he grinned, holding the coffee pot from earlier, starting to chug from it again. His eyes lit up and he beamed, nearly jumping right over the blonde duelist, singing his own praises.  
  
Jou freaked out when Seto jumped at him, moving out of the way just barely, "Er, Yugi's back at his place, watchin' the shop for his grandpa. What's got you so tripped out? Someone finally destarch your shorts or what?"  
  
Pulling a trumpet out of nowhere, Kaiba grinned like mad and then blew it in a battle charge, "TO THE GAMESHOP! HOO!" he then took off again, laughing insanely and leaving Jounouchi standing there, scratching his head.  
  
"He's flipped… Seto Kaiba has finaly flipped," Jou said, shaking his head.  
  
Kicking down the door of the gameshop, Kaiba's silhouette stood in the frame, "HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERE'S KAIBA!"  
  
Yugi blinked some, ducking behind the desk, dropping the box of booster cards he was putting out on display. "Kaiba?!"  
  
Seto grinned like crazy, charging at Yugi and tackling him to the ground, "YUGI!!! YUGI, YUGI, YUGI!!" He got in his face, blue eyes wide, tiny and twitching. "WE! MUST! DUEL!" he shouted, laughing, "You beat me too many times, and now, we must even the SCORE!!!"  
  
Yugi sweatdropped, and called forth Yami, who promptly took over the boy's body. "Kaiba, what is wrong with you? You're acting like a madman!"  
  
"YUGI!" Kaiba shouted, leaping up ontop of the wooden shelf with the strategy books, pointing at Yami while holding a flag with the Blue Eyes on it, "I WILL BEAT YOU! THEN YOU WILL BOW! BOW BEFORE ME! THE REAL KING OF GAMES! I AM THE GAME MASTER! SETO KAIBA! ME! YOU HEAR ME! ME!!" he cackled again, downing the last of the coffee, then glared at him, eyes glowing red, "I WILL NOT FAIL! I MUST SUCCEED!! I MUST BEAT YUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGI!!"  
  
A lunchbox nailed Kaiba in the back of the head, knocking him off the bookshelf and leaving him unconscious on the floor, spirals in his eyes and little Blue Eyes' flying around his head. "Must, duel, Yugi! Must, beat, him!"  
  
Jounouchi shook his head, dusting his hands off, "That shut him up."  
  
Yugi sweatdropped, looking at the now unconscious elder Kaiba, "What… was up with that?!"  
  
Mokuba ran to the entrance of the game shop, panting and holding his laptop, "… did… my… brother… run… in… here?" he panted, then blinked, looking at him on the floor, a large lump having formed on his head.  
  
"That answer your question?" Jou asked, poking him with his foot, then managing to pry the coffee pot from his hand, "… I think the guy had too much caffine, looks like he downed the whole thing."  
  
Mokuba took the pot from him, then poured the last few drops onto a little container hooked to his laptop, "… no wonder he was crazy, there was enough sugar in there to kill an army of diabetics…"  
  
"Daaaaaaaaaaaamn," Jou said, whistling and looking at the unconscious Kaiba, "Didn't think he was that big of a sugar freak."  
  
Mokuba sighed, "He isn't… he tries to avoid sweets, they make him really, really hyper."  
  
Yugi looked at Mokuba, confused, "… then why would he get his coffee with so much sugar in it?"  
  
While they were staring at Kaiba, scratching their heads trying to figure the answer to that question out, back at Kaiba Corp, someone was laughing his head off.  
  
Removing the hat and wig he'd worn while bringing the coffee in earlier, Marik sat down at Kaiba's desk, laughing and crossing his arms behind his head, "… too easy… just too, too easy… switching Kaiba's normal sweetener with a jumbo pack of Pixie Stix, and sitting back to watch the chaos ensue…" he chuckled, smirking to himself, "… who says I need a Millenium item to have fun?" 


End file.
